Ok, so there I was…
There WE were…
No, I’m not Tom Cruise, but I am an Army helicopter pilot.
I was the pilot of the fifth ship of a flight of six. The other pilot was the aircraft commander. (There are always 2 pilots in a Huey). My friend Tom was one of the pilots in the trail ship, which makes this as (or more) memorable for him as it is to me!
The pilots’ duties are split up in the following way: the pilot at the controls flies the aircraft, the other pilot talks on the radios and navigates. Since each pilot has a nearly identical set of controls, it is easy and routine for the pilots to alternate these duties.
On this particular training mission, we were conducting a practice Air Assault, which means
we were supposed to be dropping good guys (presumably armed) right next to the bad guys. We didn’t have any good guys with bullets available, so to make the flight more realistic – and by this I mostly mean heavy – we were giving "rides" to some of our soldiers that normally don’t get to go anywhere near the helicopters – it makes for much more realistic training, and improves the morale of the "cargo"!
One of the soldiers on my aircraft was a young ‘kid’ that I had mentored when he was still just a recruit, and he had specifically requested to be on my aircraft. The other pilot I was flying with was a senior Warrant Officer – in this case "Senior" stands for far more than just his rank. He had been flying Hueys in the Army National Guard since the Vietnam era and was preparing to retire as a Michigan State Police officer. Oh… and he didn’t like to be shown up by hotshot, snot-nosed kids – in this case: me.
Now, when you’re practicing to fly in bad-guy-land, you typically want to stay below where the meanies can see you because its harder shoot something you can’t see (and there’s no such thing as "Whisper Mode!!!) So I fly safe and I follow all the rules, but I fly aggressively because, well; trees are softer than bullets!
Since I was the whipper-snapper, and old Mr. Grumpy was the Pilot-in-command, he let me fly at the controls first – ostensibly to judge my competence. I did exactly what I was trained to do: I flew fast, maintained the correct distances and angles from the other aircraft in the flight, and I flew low – very low.
The one little thing that I did that I was unaware of until it was too late was, apparently, challenged him to a duel of flying ability. Still unaware of this miscalculation, we transferred controls normally and he took the second run-through of the route. At first, his performance was nearly the mirror image of mine – really; there are only so many ways you can read a winding valley or river. He was doing an excellent job. He followed the natural cut in the valley as it first turned one way and then the other. This was the perfect place to practice this kind of flying!
Then in one particular spot the "V" in the trees we’d been using for a highway made a sharp left turn. The only problem was that this particular narrow valley had one large, soft pine tree sticking right up through the lowest point, turning the sharp "V" into more of a "W". I’ve heard these anomalous trees referred to over the years as "widowmakers" and this particular one really popped out of nowhere!
He already had the aircraft in a 60 degree bank, which is the maximum bank limitation for the aircraft. Briefly, I thought he was going to try and go steeper to make the inside of the turn, and just as briefly, I felt the aircraft "mush." (This is a highly technical term that means: "It ain’t gonna work!") When it finally occurred to him that he wasn’t going to make it to the inside, he executed the obvious alternative and tried to swing wide around to the outside. Unfortunately, time was up to change tactics and he ended up decisively executing both and split it right down the middle, lightly brushing the grease off the underside of the bird.
When we got back to the airfield my young soldier friend patiently waited for me to conduct the post-flight inspection and debrief. When I walked out of the briefing room he was there with a huge, thankful smile on his face. When I shook his hand he said "That was SO awesome!… That tree went by us on BOTH sides!!!"
Epilogue: Mr. Grumpy retired almost immediately after this flight. The young soldier in the story is now successful both as an army sergeant AND in his career in law enforcement. Tom is still trying to collect on his debt – something about me owing him a fresh pair of underwear!