(AWOWOTSCOA)

I posted the following in a game forum in which the game required a high degree of coordination among players to accomplish the goal.  There was no official mechanism for coordinating the various necessary actions and the coordination required quickly became a workload equivalent to operating a small business.  The only method of conducting this coordination was via forum posts.

Although players might only play 10 minutes to an hour each (or more), the operations of the game were 24/7/365.  What resulted was a continuous evolution of self proclaimed leaders declaring an organization, recruiting hundreds of anonymous members, establishing divisions of labor, a hierarchy, and, invariably, descending into chaos within a month or so (mostly due to self generated in-fighting).

Having been part of several of these “clans,” I began to notice the early symptoms of the impending self-destruction group dynamic: when seemingly every member of the clan began demanding recognition, rank or title, there was nigh over a week left before the only forum posts remaining contained words like “jerk” and “stupid”, rendering communication impossible.

Please note that I did NOT include the reference list in my original post!

The following is the letter I posted into the forum pages of one of those groups – “The PC Immortals”. I only hope the letter speaks for itself…

A Word of Warning on the Superfluous Creation of Acronyms (AWOWOTSCOA)

Let me start out by summarizing my painful induction into the mind-numbing world of acronyms so you can see that I am indeed a SMA (Subject Matter Expert).

A full two years prior to being commissioned by the CinC as an LT in the ARNG, I graduated a 4 of 5 from IET. In fact, it was so long ago that it was still called BCT, not IET. All the same, its where the FNG’s get their first taste of PT, BCS and all the T, C and S from the SMCT (LVL 1 and 2). My first assignment was with a standard MTOE AVN unit as the 3/5 leader. I did well, and eventually received a promotion to 1LT and an early assignment as the CO. In more recent years, I’ve been assigned as the S2, Asst. SPO and Asst. S3 for an RSG. Of course, this was a new unit reorganized from a TDA SPT BDE, so there were a lot of growing pains. Early last year, for instance I had to go TDY on AD for training to become DMOSQ as a 35D. I have also done brief stints in the DCSOPS, JFHQ and in the JOC. (I prefer COTTADS over ADSW, but I take what I can get.)

My longest assignment, and the one that exposed me to the most ridiculous of the ridiculous, was a T10 short tour as an LNO to NGBLL in DC! As you can imagine, coordinating with the CNGB, the CJFC, and both the DANG and the DARNG was a complete SNAFU!

[I must pause to say that my peers read up to this point and don't realize its a joke!]

So: someone in the PC Immortals got themselves a brand new, shiny RAG (Random Acronym Generator) and can’t seem to find the OFF button! For the love of God, please stop. I have an adequate supply of secret codes in my life already! You’re going to hurt someone with that thing!

The only thing I need to be a good IAL (Immortal-at-Large) is the name of the current leader (HMFIC) and the world we’re in! I mean, what do I care that the IA is currently the HMFIC because the IE couldn’t tell the IA that the HC logged in ASAP? OMG! I’m getting AIBF! (Acronym Induced Brain Freeze!)

V/R,

CPT W

SMA	Subject Matter Expert
CinC	Commander in Chief, i.e., President, aka, POTUS or President of the United States
LT	Lieutenant
ARNG	Army National Guard
IET	Initial Entry Training
BCT	Basic Combat Training, i.e., “Bootcamp”
FNG	“The” New Guy
PT	Physical Training
BCS	Basic Combat Skills
T,C&S	Task, Condition and Standard
SMCT	Soldiers’ Manual of Common Tasks
MTOE	Modified Table of Organization/Equipment
AVN	Aviation (Branch)
3/5	Fuel and Ammunition
1LT	First Lieutenant
CO	Company Commander
S2	Intelligence Officer
SPO	Plans Officer
S3	Operations Officer
RSG	Regional Support Group
TDA	Table of Distribution / Allowances
SPT BDE	Support Brigade
TDY	Temporary Duty (Assignment)
AD	Active Duty
DMOSQ	Duty – Military Operational Specialty Qualified
35D	(My new “MOS”)
MOS	Military Operational Specialty, i.e., my “job title”
DCSOPS	(The Office of the) Deputy Chief of Staff, Operations
JFHQ	Joint Force Headquarters
JOC	Joint Operations Center
COTTADS	CONUS, Temporary Tour Active Duty
CONUS	Continental United States
ADSW	Active Duty, Special Work
T10	Title 10, (US Code)
LNO	Liaison Officer
NGBLL or NGB-LL	National Guard Bureau – Office of Legislative Liaison
DC	(Washington)
CNGB	Chief, National Guard Bureau
CJFC	Chief, Joint Forces Command
DANG	Director, Air National Guard
DARNG	Director, Army National Guard
SNAFU	Situation Normal: All Messed Up
OFF	Off
HMFIC	Head Person In Charge
V/R	Very Respectfully (Often used when not true)

I was in the Crystal City Underground, returning from some mindless errand that I had decided to incorporate into my lunch break.  The "Underground" is a series of connected stores – a mall – that is in the collective basements of all the buildings in Arlington, a block or so from the Pentagon.

I decided to call my dad while I had lunch – an international call.  I carefully dialed the country code and number and was directed to customer service to activate "international calling" on my calling plan.

Now, I know I’m asking a lot, here.

  My carrier has notoriously poor connectivity in Arlington in the first place, I’m in a cave in the swamps of the Potomac, next door to a major airport.  So I didn’t really expect a miracle here, I was just hoping I’d get lucky from the spot I was in, which sometimes, though rarely, was possible.

No such luck.  We both made a valiant struggle to get through the conversation.  I even abandoned my food to go out to the subway entrance, where I’d get a line-of-sight to open air.  It worked – a little.  From this point we could both piece together slightly longer fragments of one another’s sentences.

I tried to explain that I was attempting to place a call to Costa Rica.

"Where?"

"Costa Rica!"

"Italy?"

"Costa Rica!!"

"I’m sorry, Sir.  Could you please call back on a land line."

I went to the Science Center with my son’s second grade class today as a chaperon. I found out I had chaperon duties when I arrived at the school in the morning in response to the invitation: “would you like to go on the field trip with us?” But I don’t mind wrangling a few brats for a half day – I wrangle 150 soldiers all weekend and it’s about the same job description…

Of all the great story opportunities from this little junket – I only lost one brat, and even then for only a couple of minutes – my favorite was the “ABC game” I played with my boy on the bus ride home. We were the last ones on the bus for the return trip due to the fact that the experts at the center lost my backpack, which they insisted I leave with them after lunch. (See Detroit Science Center Intelligence Story.)

So, now in the front of the bus, alone – or so I thought – with my boy,

he asked if we could play the “ABC game”, which we play by taking turns naming off a word that starts with successive letters of the alphabet. He says “A is for apple” and I respond with the most ridiculous word I can think of for “B”, like, “B is for botulism.” It makes him laugh, and occasionally, he learns a new word.

We easily got through the first time, but as you know if you’ve played this a few times, it can be difficult to get through the “X’s” multiple times in a row without repetition. So on the second run through, I broke one of my own rules and used “Xanadu.” (We don’t usually allow proper nouns.) He responded with “Y is for yankee” and I took a few moments to try to find a real whopper for “Z”.

The nice lady next to me (also a hijacked chaperon) noticed my struggle and offered up: “You could use Z is for Xylophone!”

I thanked her and switched games.